How to Sound More Confident

One term that I learned about in the past couple of months is “escape words”.

My Sergeant was the one who taught me about this term. Ever since learning of this, I’ve made it a point to not only apply this in my life but to also teach my mentees about it.

Escape words are words that allow you to not deal with consequences based on something you say. For example, words like “think”, “believe”, and “assume” are considered escape words.

When someone tells you, “I believe/think/assume that the homework is due next Monday,” they sound unsure. This displays a lack of confidence and lack of assertiveness. “The homework is due next Monday,” sounds much more confident. It’s better to be confidently wrong than to be correct but sound like a little bitch about it.

The more you avoid using escape words, the more confident you sound. Any time I catch myself using them, I immediately stop myself and re-state my sentence. I’ve noticed that when I do this, the person I’m speaking with displays less doubt about what I tell them.

There are also other terms like, “My understanding is…”, and “I’m under the impression that…”, that allows the person who’s stating it to not face consequences.

If someone says, “I think the homework is due next Monday,” and the homework is actually due on Sunday, that same person can go back to you and say, “Well, that’s what I thought, so you can’t really fault me.” Unfortunately for you, that person is right. You should’ve known that they weren’t sure of themselves when they said the word “think”.

How to Build Trust

Trust is one of those things that’s difficult to build and easy to destroy. Think of a long-term relationship where a guy and girl are together for 10 years and love each other. One cheating “incident” will destroy those 10 years.

The best way to build trust with someone is to give them responsibility. It can be as minimal as can be. I guarantee you that it will allow you to trust them and for them to trust you.

For example, I have a mentee through a nonprofit organization I volunteer for. We meet every Monday night over Zoom to discuss whatever it is we need to discuss. I give her homework assignments as part of the mentorship.

By giving her homework, she understands that I’m giving her a task to do and that I trust her enough to do it. If I display trust in her, she will ensure to not damage it by completing the homework. Has she let me down? Thankfully, she hasn’t and has submitted each assignment on time. When she submits the assignment, I know that I can trust her to complete future assignments. Thus, trust has been built between us.

It can be as simple as asking someone to wake you up at a certain time. If you ask someone to wake you up at 6 am so you can get to work, that person understands that you’ve given them an important duty to fulfill. They know the importance it has, and are subconsciously thinking, “Wow, he/she trusts me to wake them up for work.” If they do it, you know you can trust them to do it again. If they don’t do it, you know to not ask them again the next time.

Final Thoughts

These are two bits of advice I’ve passed on to my mentees. I encourage you to apply them to your everyday life or to see how it’s connected within your life. Are you actively using escape words? If so, do your best to avoid using them to sound more confident. How did you build trust with your friends/co-workers/family? It was more than likely through responsibilities you gave them or that they gave you.

All views are my own – I do not represent any organizations mentioned in this post.